I’m going to take a sledgehammer to your car!
James was pulling his car up in a lay-by in a Birmingham suburb.
He was on holiday with his family and wanted to find somewhere to leave the car while he and the family enjoyed another day on the canal.
He was taken by surprise when a man came storming over toward him, spitting with rage., demanding to know where he had come from and what he was doing.
James tried to explain that he was leaving the car in the lay-by as it was out of the way of any drive way and he was going down to the canal.
The man was furious.
“I’m going to take a sledgehammer to your car!”
James tried to apologise and smooth things over, but this man was not at a point he could be reasoned with. His emotional state had so taken over that he could no longer be rational.
This is a more extreme case, but what can we do when faced with conflict? When the person in front of us is so angry they are at the verge of violence?
Dealing with an aggressive person:
Talk calmly with the main person involved, laying out the issue and any solutions and listening well. Do not interrupt them as they speak.
Find something in common with the other person, and try to look at the problem together, side by side, identifying common goals.
Depersonalise any emotions from the other person so you do not become angry as well.
Look after your own safety- get away from the situation quickly if the person looks like they are actually going to be violent to you or any property. Encourage others to do the same.
In this situation, James tried the first 3 tips, but the man was not able to be reasoned with or talked with. He had gone beyond that point. So James quickly moved the car to a very different area.
How about you?
Have you got any areas of conflict or are you dealing with angry or aggressive people in your workplace, home or family?
Please, look after your own safety first and get out of the situation if you are concerned about actual violence- seek help from one of the agencies listed below.
Conflict resolution can be exhausting and time consuming, but if done well, it can lead to greater understanding, creativity and clarity. Do contact vicki@multiplycoaching.com if you would like help in dealing with workplace or interpersonal conflict.
The national domestic abuse helpline is for anyone experiencing fear because of a partners actions or reactions. Visit https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk or call 0808 2000 247
If your safety is in danger, you can also call the police on 999.
There are many other great local and national agencies that will help and can be found on the internet.
