Good Listening
Good listening is a learned skill that helps the listener understand what is being said, show that they are listening and respond appropriately. It involves reflecting on the information or thoughts being shared to try and understand the speakers point of view.
it involves listening to more than just the words, but also the emphasis, emotion, silences and meaning behind the words.
This keeps both the speaker and listener fully engaged in the conversation, and is different to just hearing the other person.
Listening vs Hearing
In hearing, the sound passes though the ear and is registered by the brain.
Listening involves working to be actively involved in the conversation, interpreting the sound and using techniques to help stay attentive, showing the speaker that they are valued and heard, increasing trust and sharing of bigger concerns.
This can be hard work, and we can get distracted by things around us, other people, our thoughts or what we want to say next.
Tips for successful listening include:
Practice- Active listening is a skill that requires practice, and like using a muscle, grows as it is used more.
Paying attention to:
People’s names, using them where appropriate
Pauses or silence, as they may show self-censoring or struggle with increased emotion
What is being said, words used, the frequency of specific words
Emotions or lack of emotion- respond to these and reflect on them, helping the speaker recognise the emotions and what is behind them.
Body language (both yours and theirs). An open posture shows willingness to talk and listen.
How you are feeling and reacting to what is being said. Be aware that your own emotions can get involved and steer the conversation, so be aware of them but don’t let them dominate or influence the conversation.
Withhold judgement. Ensure the other person feels they can share anything, and you can listen with an open mind. Sometimes someone shares something that can be difficult to hear, but as you listen well and ask good open questions, you find the meaning behind it and common ground for continuing the conversation.
Reflect & Clarify- As you listen, ensure greater understanding and show that you are listening by asking open questions or paraphrasing main points, checking you are on the same track. This helps the speaker reflect rather than just defend their view or idea.
Summarise- This is essential in conflict situations, but also in other conversations. It involves clarifying the key things that have been said, actions as a result of the conversation and expectations of each party. This can be done by one or preferably both parties.
Share- This is a skill to be used only sparingly, but sharing similar experiences you may have can show that the speaker is not alone in this situation, and can help build relationship, showing that you have successfully interpreted the situation.
