Crucial Conversations

How did your most recent crucial (or potentially difficult) conversation go?

Did emotions take over and those of you involved end up shouting, talking angrily or going quiet on the other?

I remember helping my mum fill up her car with fuel on day, and a man in a large truck started shouting at her because she hadn’t parked close enough to the pump for him to get past easily.

I came round the car and waded into the conversation, determined to defend mum from this aggression, especially as she was obviously in a wheelchair and driving an adapted car.

Was I right to step in?

I would still say I was right to stand up for my mum, but looking back, I know I could have dealt with it better.

Crucial Conversations are the sort of interactions where the stakes are high, there are strong emotions or differing views, resulting in the people involved in the conversation feeling unsafe, letting emotions take over and resulting in them closing off or blowing up.

In my example- the truck driver had probably already had a difficult day and was reacting to another difficult driver. He may not have noticed that she was in a wheelchair, but once he started shouting and I waded in, he didn’t feel he could back down.

The book “Crucial Conversations” by Kerry Patterson is an invaluable tool for dealing with such situations, helping me and you recognise what we truly want and avoid the temptation to think there are only two options (argue or avoid the situation).

When we learn to keep our emotions in check, share our views persuasively & help the other person state their views, we can start to master these difficult conversations, improving the outcomes and achieving positive results.

So when you next get into an argument over a parking space, who last emptied the bin or what is expected at work, remember-there aren’t just the two options of avoidance or arguments- there is another way….

For more information and prices for individual coaching, conflict resolution coaching or partnerships at work contact me: vicki@multiplycoaching.com

Gratitude:

What are you thankful for?

Have you ever noticed how two people can face similar situations, but have a very different outlooks?

There are many reasons for this, but one of the main reasons is gratitude. This involves taking time to look beyond yourself and notice big or small things that you can pause, acknowledge be thankful for.

It is well worth doing this at least 3 times a day (more if you can), especially darker times.

As a coach, often one of the first questions I ask is “What are you thankful for?” or “What are you celebrating?”

This takes the conversation quickly beyond any immediate problems, brings more positive emotions and helps the client be more objective when looking at challenges.

Suggested Actions:

1. Take time at least 3 times a day to look around and identify what you are grateful for.

2. Write an actual letter to someone- expressing your thanks to them for something they have done. (In our group coaching sessions, I encourage the group to look for ways to encourage each other in the workplace- this can transform relationships and the work environment if practiced regularly).

Each of these things will make a difference to your outlook, and may even start to change your relationships with others, so why not just give it a try?

For more information on coaching or time management, visit multiplycoaching.com or email vicki@multiplycoaching.com

Time

Have you ever wondered where all the time went? 

How some people can achieve so much in their life, and still only have 24h in a day, while the rest of us can spend time wondering how it got to 3pm, when we feel we haven’t even accomplished anything yet?

We were having dinner with some parents of a young family recently and a question along these lines came up:

“How did the two of you do it? How did you manage with 3 children under 5, starting up a charity, one of you training to be a teacher and the other working nights as a nurse?”

The box on the right is called the Eisenhower Box which is a way of prioritising tasks. The same principle is used in ABCD analysis:

A- Important & Urgent- done immediately

B- Important & Not Urgent- given a time frame for achievement

C- Unimportant & Urgent- delegated

D- Unimportant & Not Urgent- dropped

This is a great starting point, especially when faced with a long list of jobs to do, but one of the the problems is that this doesn’t always explicitly address the overarching goals of the job, resulting in a much more narrow focus where less is accomplished.

The other problem is, not all unimportant tasks can be easily delegated, especially where resources are limited, and extra time may be needed to train some up others to take on tasks. This results in a cycle where overworked or overtired people do not feel they can delegate tasks as they don’t have the capacity to identify the tasks or people to who could help them.

This brings us back to the young couple, wanting change in their lives, but not knowing where the time will come from. I would love to say we responded to the couple with a carefully thought through answer that changed their life, but no.

Instead we replied- “We have absolutely no idea, it all went by in a haze.”

What I did do though, is offer monthly coaching for them as a couple, which they quickly took me up on. This will help them identify their goals, important and unimportant tasks, external resources and what they have in their hands right now that will help them use their time effectively.

For more information on coaching or time management, visit multiplycoaching.com or email vicki@multiplycoaching.com